Book Review TA for Tots
Book Review
TA for Tots – and Other Prinzes. Alvyn M. Freed & Joann Dick. (1973)
Transactional Analysis for Everybody Series.
Torrance CA: Jalamar Press
0-915190-73-7 144 pages, paperback
T.A. For Tots and Other Prinzes by Alvyn M.Freed Ph.D, is a tenderly written book aimed at children. It teaches children in a gentle nurturing way how to understand what they are feeling, and how to express their feelings in an appropriate way, so they can understand at an early age how they should relate to their emotions. Simple language is used throughout this book and delicate explanations abound in this text that children can easily understand and relate to. There is a real soothing parental voice that harmoniously penetrates through to the inner Child. With warmth and compassion the child is taught where their negative feelings have arisen from and how to deal with them. Children are taught that they are O.K., and how to view themselves positively amid the all to often negative aspects of childhood.
This books looks at the basic theory of Transactional Analysis psychotherapy. It talks about the Ego States and how they may become contaminated. Strokes are taught, both the positive and the negative. Overall this is a great teaching tool. For all those adults who are interested in T.A or just interested in looking at the foundations of their own issues, wanting to understand their children better, and most of all just wanting to be great parents then this is a fantastic read and no doubt an essential book to have on any parent’s shelf.
I have used this book with my own children. At the ages of three, five, and eight, they have all received a great deal out of this book in their development as effective caring individuals. We have worked our way through this book taking a chapter each night, and at the end of each chapter the children have been asking for more. My middle child, who is five, would say to me, “Can we read T.A for Tots, Mummy? It’s lovely!” They have all learned how to express their feelings and have been taught the tools in which to recognise what is happening to them emotionally. Also they more easily recognise what they need. If they are feeling a little sad, lonely or any other negative emotion they have learned to recognise the need for comfort, so they will come and ask for a ‘warm fuzzy’. This book has a beautiful way of describing what are known as ‘strokes’ in a very simple way intended for children to understand. The term ‘warm fuzzy’ is given for positive strokes and the opposite term ‘cold prickly’ for negative strokes. For example, if Mummy gives the child a cuddle and says, “you did really well today on your homework!” or a simple smile and “I love you” with a hug, these are positive strokes, ‘warm fuzzies’. On the flip side of that, if Mummy says, “now I am very disappointed in you!” and does not smile, or even disciplines the child, perhaps by sending them to a time-out, the child now feels a horrible negative emotions described as ‘cold pricklies’; they feel sad and even hurt. This is a negative stroke. Just today my daughter who is three years old came home form nursery saying that her friend would not play with her, to which she felt a ‘cold prickly’.
T.A for Tots has a great story to help us understand the reasons why a child may feel inadequate or naughty. Freed speaks of when a child is born, just how loved they are and that they can do no wrong. They were born ‘Princes’ and ‘Princesses’, or ‘Prinzes’ which the book uses as a collective term. They learn and develop which again is praised as they receive positive strokes or ‘warm fuzzies’! However as they grow a little and begin to make mistakes, they begin to experience negative strokes or ‘cold pricklies’ as they are told that what they are doing is wrong and they begin to get disciplined for their what their parents perceive to be negative actions. The children begin to feel less like ‘Prinzes’ and more like ‘Frozzes’ (frogs).
As an adult there is much that I have taken from this book. It has spoken to my inner Child and helped me to understand my own feelings of inadequacies, and those of just being ‘naughty’. Yet more importantly for me I feel that this book has opened my eyes to what is going on emotionally with my own children. In conclusion, I have found this book to be utterly brilliant and a ‘must-read’ for all those with their own children or who work with children. Grown ups who read it for themselves will also get something out of this book - at the very least a warm fuzzy!
Although this book was originally printed in 1973 and is a little dated in appearance it still remains relevant for today, and captures a child’s interest. My only criticism is that there is a slight lacking in grammar which makes is difficult to read at times and to maintain flow, and there is a little talk of ‘spanking’ to which is a controversial subject today - we seem to be moving towards a ban on that, in this country at least. Other than that, I view this book as outstanding, and one that I will keep as precious and inspiring.
Helen Heys